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In a previous post, I referred to a phenomenon known as 'the gap'. To summarise, 'the gap' is the pit in your stomach you feel when you measure your ability as a journeyman writer against writers who inspire you. The difference in skill can be discouraging, but it also serves as proof that persistence pays off, and so it can motivate you to keep working to close the distance (if you let it).
Today, taking a cue from the quote featured in Writer's Connect issue 83, we're going to dive a little deeper into this tendency to compare ourselves to others, and it's important to be mindful of it.
The classic comparison: pears and mandarins (because stock photos of apples and oranges cost extra)
This post brought to you by guest blogger Tyrone Couch.
The Heart of the Issue
When it comes to people, the act of comparison is rarely productive. There are really only two potential outcomes of comparing yourself to someone else: a sense of superiority, or the total opposite.
Of the two, it's fairly obvious which one of these is going to feel better ... but even if you do come out on top, how does that serve you? Unless you get your jollies out of lording your talents over others or enjoy feeling bad about yourself, there's really no reason to flip that coin in the first place.
All that being said, the impulse to do so is probably pretty natural. Our desire to compare ourselves to others is likely related to our tendency to categorise things; to put everything we encounter in its proper place, so that we might understand it better and approach it accordingly.
Unfortunately, in this instance, that function is just not very useful.
In most cases, someone who's been practising something for twenty-odd years is going to be better at it than someone who's only been at it for two, but there are always exceptions. Even if you feel you've tried twice as hard as someone else and are only half as good, what's the use in shaking your fist at them, or at yourself for not measuring up?
Why should anything that someone else does or does not have impact you in the slightest?
Left? Right?
Imagine you're on a journey, and you come to a crossroads. Even at a glance, it's painfully obvious which of the paths is going to be smoother sailing. There's even a signpost in the middle of the fork telling you as much: one of the roads is long, dark, and easy to get lost on, while the other is clearly mapped out and much more comfortable. At the foot of the signpost is a device with a button that, when pressed, will return you to the crossroads whenever you see fit, so you're not locked in one way or the other.
The trouble is, the roads don't lead to the same destination.
The only way to get to what's on the other side of that long, dark path is to walk it. But it's difficult, and it's scary, and however much you might want to, you don't have to get to the other side. You can press that little button and opt out at any time, and believe me, there'll be times you're gonna want to. The other path is far simpler, and what lies at the end of it is arguably more worth your while.
The process of becoming a better writer is a lot like walking that darkened road.
No writer is going to tell you that writing is easy, and there are few faster ways to convince yourself to give up on something difficult than to fixate on how far you still have to go. Comparing yourself to others who are further along on the path is a brutally efficient way of getting caught up on the road ahead.
When you're walking that road, some people are going to come flying past you. You'll pass by some who're just sitting down to take a breather, and others who'll press the button and vanish right before your eyes, never to return. You'll see the names of others who carved their names into the trees long ago, and one or two of them might even come back in the other direction just to gloat.
And none of them—not even one of them—matters.
Learn what you can from them, but recognise that no two paths are the same, and none is inherently better or worse than the other. The same is true of the people who are walking it. Take pride in the fact that you're walking it at all, and stop paying so much attention to what (or who) is ahead of you—you might even start enjoying yourself!
Journey's End
Lastly, it's important to note that we aren't always fair (or accurate) in our comparisons. Many of us tell ourselves that 'we suck' in an attempt to make it hurt less if someone else tells us so, or suffer from disordered thinking that makes us unable to recognise when we're doing well. If you suspect that either of these might apply to you, then it's all the more important not to get caught up in needless comparisons that will only reinforce unhelpful thinking.
If you're interested in a tip or two in your inbox every fortnight, make sure to subscribe to Writer's Connect (at the bottom of the page).
Word of the Day
portend (v.) pôr-tĕnd′
If one thing were to portend another, it would warn of (or otherwise predict) it happening in future. For example, dark clouds in the sky might portend rain, or a storm.
Breaking a mirror is said to portend seven years of bad luck.
Quotidian Quote
"A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit." ~ Richard Bach
Get Competitive!
A selection of current writing competitions YOU can enter!
Look over the fine print to make sure that your submission qualifies and you're happy with the terms of engagement.
The Australian Society of Authors has a highly informative post on their website called 'What to look for in a writing competition's T&Cs' . To locate the article, click on 'Home', then 'News'.
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