Coming straight to you from Writer's Connect newsletter Issue 67, today's post is all about self-care. We writerly types can be quite idiosyncratic (read: neurotic), and are all too often our own worst enemies. We can be quick to disparage ourselves, and frequently get lost in what we think we ought to be doing. Unfortunately, it just isn't always that easy.
Knowing exactly what needs to be done but knowing you're not doing it generates anxiety with ruthless efficiency. For many of us, anything less than 'doing the thing' is simply not acceptable. And so, whenever someone suggests that we "go easy on ourselves" (as if we hadn't thought of that!), it's all we can do not to claw their eyes out.
How, then, do we avoid spending time in a cell, padded or otherwise?
No, seriously—I'm asking.
(I do have some thoughts on the matter, however, so read on!)
Thank you to Tyrone Couch for contributing this blog.
Acknowledge When You Can('t)
Imagine trying to push a semi-trailer with nothing but your bare hands.
Unless you're an award-winning strongman, I'm gonna go ahead and assume that the truck didn't move.
Now, imagine that a cute little puppy's paw is trapped beneath one of the tyres. There's no one around for miles, and you broke your phone during the last attempt. You have to move that thing, or poor little Abby may never get free.
What do you do?
There are really only three options:
Struggle in Vain
You can throw your body at the truck until it's bruised and broken, but it's not going to budge. Even if you somehow managed to move it by a millimetre, sweet little Abigail would be no closer to freedom. You, on the other hand, would be much further away from having the means to free the little bundle of joy.
Use Your Head
Walk far enough away that you can't hear the yelping anymore and clear your mind. Do a little roadside meditation. Be honest with yourself: do you have the tools to move that truck? Or do you need to start walking back towards civilisation to better equip yourself for the task? Take your time—it's not like she's going anywhere.
Get Some Help
When you stagger into the nearest town, eyes bloodshot from weeping with self-loathing, surely you'll be able to find someone who sympathises with your plight. Even if all they do is listen to your troubles, it could help you come up with an idea, or at least find the strength to carry on.
The trouble with writing is, in most cases, there is no Abigail. If you don't move that truck, it'll simply stay where it is, and no puppies will be harmed. While most would agree that's a good thing, in terms of motivation it's a bit of a missed opportunity ... but for perspective, it's actually quite useful to keep in mind.
Sometimes, an off day is just an off day. Heck, even five off days in a row are just that. It doesn't have to mean that you're a bad writer, or a failure, or out of ideas. There really is no need to turn it into any more than it is. Try something different—or don't! The stakes are much lower than they feel.
Is it frustrating? Sure. Will it sour your mood? Probably. But the more energy you spend on crafting a narrative about all the terrible things it means about you, the less you'll have for moving semi-trailers and whatnot.
Go Easy On Yourself
Everyone's path to internalising this in a way they can use and draw strength from is different ... but regrettably, it really is the secret, hidden right there in plain sight and platitudes. Being hard on yourself is almost habitual, and like any habit, it can be difficult to break.
Also like any habit, the first step to breaking it is bringing a conscious awareness to it. Consider every time you catch yourself doing it a tremendous victory, because it is.
Don't fool yourself into thinking you need to be your own taskmaster in order to get things done. Not only is it possible to be kind to yourself and productive, but the two go hand in hand, each of them making the other that much easier.
Recognise that by doing otherwise, you are harming yourself. Care enough about yourself to do something about it.
Do It For Abby
May her memory bring you closer to loving yourself, and taking life a little less seriously.
Something that is tremulous is characterised by quivering or shaking. Some examples of things that might be tremulous are nervous speech, unsteady hands, a fearful or timid person, or even objects subject to vibration.
Unsure how to react, he gave a tremulous smile. Misha, formerly a rescue puppy, was tremulous by nature.
Quotidian Quote
“Being a writer is a very peculiar sort of job: It's always you versus a blank sheet of paper (or a blank screen) and quite often the blank piece of paper wins.” ~ Neil Gaiman
Get Competitive!
A selection of current writing competitions YOU can enter!
Wow! Women on Writing Creative Nonfiction Essay Contest
Format: Non-fiction Theme: Any Word Count: 200 - 1,000 Entry Fee: $12 Prize: $500 plus publication, interview, and gift card Closes: 31/10/22
Before you go all-in on an entry for any of the above competitions, it's highly recommended that you look over the fine print to make sure that your submission qualifies and you're happy with the terms of engagement.
To help yourself make an informed decision, the Australian Society of Authors has a highly informative post on their website called 'What to look for in a writing competition's T&Cs' . To locate the article, click on 'Home', then 'News'.
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